


What to do with the Stag-Do Two?

by RemyRemedial



Series: The 'Stag Do' Universe [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Authority Figures, Corporal Punishment, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Dysfunctional Family, Family Fluff, Punishment, Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-05-20 16:09:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14897765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RemyRemedial/pseuds/RemyRemedial
Summary: When Greg Lestrade hears that John Watson and his newly titled brother-in-law Sherlock Holmes have ended up in a cell overnight, he decides that he has to deal with their behaviour.





	1. Chapter One

Jesus Henry Joseph Fucking Christ! John’s head hurt. Really seriously hurt. Why was there noise? Why was there always bloody noise? And the sun, the sun can officially go and do one. Was he on the floor? It felt like the floor. Why was he on the floor?

Eye’s opening, is that a good idea? No, yeah, need to probably wake up. What the-? 

CRASH.

“Wakey wakey!”

“Oh god. Gre- Is that Greg?”

“Get up. I’ll put you two in a taxi, managed to square things with the desk sergeant.” John reluctantly pushed himself to his feet. How was Sherlock still asleep? “Ha ha! What a couple of light weights, you couldn’t even make it to closing time.”

“Could you whisper?”

“Not really!” 

And that was Sherlock up.

Cheeky sod, thought Greg, I’ll soon put an end to that. ‘Ow, you mean, mean man’ John silently commented, he had no idea.

“Come on.” Greg ushered Sherlock up with a crooked finger and he dutifully followed. Once his brain had decided to wake up too. Standing, almost, nope, yep, there we go. 

Sherlock followed Greg and John out into the corridor of cells. It was still unbearably noisy for the two ‘party animals’, given the hard surfaces and metal doors. Sherlock shuffled after them and had he been slightly more awake he would have noticed that Greg turned the corner and started leading them away from the exit. They wandered to the very end of the row of interview rooms and Greg swung the last door open, nodding his head in the direction of the room,

“Right, come on, in.”

John shrugged and did as he was told, Sherlock still stumbling along behind him. Once they were in, Greg shut the door behind them and locked it, both John and Sherlock winced at the sound.

“Wait, why are we here?” Asked John, looking around at the room, empty except for a single table and three chairs.

“Sit down.” Greg nodded towards he chairs. Both John and Sherlock stood still, 

“Why?”

“Sit!” John and Sherlock winced as the bark reached their ears and feeling all too delicate to argue they both sat down.

“Last night was bloody fucking stupid!” Lestrade started, adopting a wide stance, arms crossed over his chest. He looked completely impressive and the two younger men were suddenly regretting the previous night’s ... episode even more than their hangovers were telling them to. 

“You don’t have to tell us.” Grumbled John, Sherlock giggled, and John smirked back.

“Enough!” The two sitting men jumped and turned their attention back to the currently very pissed off inspector. “The two of you are bloody lucky my other half keeps tabs on you, you know? Otherwise you would have spent the morning in front of the magistrate!”

“Oh no!” Sherlock feigned horror at the thought. “Not the magistrate!” At that John and Sherlock dissolved into a fit of giggles, looking and behaving like nothing more than a couple of teenagers. 

“You’re not scared of the law?”

“Not particularly.” John answered truthfully.

“Brilliant.” Greg sighed. “So Myc was right, it is our job to keep you two in line.”

“Keep us ‘in line’?” Sherlock scoffed.

“Yes.” Greg started to unbuckle his belt and the eyes of the troublemakers doubled in size. “Sherlock, nose against the wall.” Greg nodded his head towards the bare wall and doubled over his belt in his hand.

“W-what?” For the first time since Greg had known Sherlock he had him thrown.

“You heard, nose against the wall. John,” Greg clicked at him, “On your feet.” 

“You can’t be serious?!” Sherlock spluttered, John gaped, and Greg sighed.

“Alright, Sherlock, you’re The World’s Only Consulting Detective, look me over, am I serious?”

Greg held his hands out and Sherlock scanned him up and down, John looked on nervously.

“Well?”

“Shut up!” Sherlock waved his hand at John and continued to scan. “He’s serious.” Sherlock seemed both terrified and impressed simultaneously. 

“No.” John stood up, shaking his head, “No fucking way.”

“Well at least you’re on your feet.” Greg stepped forwards.

“No!” John held up a palm to stop him, “I am a Captain in the Army-“

“Retired.” Sherlock mumbled.

“Shut up.” John spat at Sherlock before turning back to Greg, “You can’t,” John looked around the room hoping there would be something to say the words for him. There wasn’t. “You can’t…” he trailed off.

“Spank us.” Sherlock added for John, trying to act cool but sat behind a desk next to a standing John he just seemed like a rebellious schoolboy’s accomplice. 

“Exactly! Actually, him, you can spank,” John nodded at Sherlock who gasped in betrayal, “Very understandably, but-“

“Enough! Sit.” John did as he was told before he realised it.

“Stand, sit, stand, it…” Sherlock mumbled under his breath, all it took was a raised eyebrow from Greg for him to suck his lips into his mouth as evidence of good behaviour.

Greg sighed deeply as he tried to work out how he was going to word what would follow, “Right. When I got you both off the hook this morning, you’re welcome by the way, I was Lestrade, the copper you sometimes work with and I hope occasional…. friend.” John nodded sincerely, and Sherlock scoffed, Greg rolled his eyes but continued, “Right now, in here, I’m Greg, this one’s” he pointed at Sherlock, “brother-in-law and not legally but in every other bloody way, your brother in law.” Greg said that directly to John. “Right now, I am your royally pissed of big brother, and nothing else and you, John Watson are not an Army Captain but my monumentally stupid little brother!” All of the bluster John had about him moments before disappeared and both he and Sherlock blushed, finally feeling like chastised younger brothers they were.

Greg took a deep breath calming himself down and shook off the speech he had just given. “Now I don’t care what excuses you two come up with, last night’s antics have earned you both a sore arse- “

“Not fair!” Sherlock whined,

“It wasn’t that bad!” John joined in whining. 

“Sherlock, nose, wall, now.”

“Why?!” Sherlock collapsed forward onto the desk in a pile of long limbs.

“Well if you had done as I asked earlier it would have been about you each needing some privacy, but right now, it’s because you deserve a time-out. Go.”

“I don’t!” Sherlock protested from his still prone pile of limbs on the table.

“Ha! You got a time-out!” John teased.

“John, don’t tease him if you want to keep your trousers on.”

John’s mouth snapped shut.

"Ha!" Sherlock jumped on his opportunity to tease.

“Last time lads, Sherlock, wall and John, stand up and hands on the table.” 

John and Sherlock exchanged glances, neither of them wanting to be the first to do as they were told but equally not wanting to piss off Greg any more.

“Well, I could always call Myc, have him deal with the two of you.” That did it, Sherlock scurried over to the wall and John jumped to his feet, if Greg was going to use his belt neither of the troublemakers wanted to consider what Mycroft would wield. “That’s what I thought.”

Greg walked around to the other side of the desk and pulled the now empty chairs out of the way.

“Hands on the desk, John.” John reluctantly complied, and Greg heard the thud as Sherlock’s forehead lightly collided with the wall in front of him.

“Last night you two ran around like a couple of bloody children! You want to behave that way? Fine. But from now on, there will be consequences. Now, you’re both getting a hiding and if you are anything but on your best behaviour at the wedding, I will turn you both over my knee, in front of the guests if I have to. No nonsense, do you hear?”

“Yes.” They both groaned.

“Good.”


	2. Chapter Two

John stood with his hands on the table while there was the sound of Greg positioning himself behind him. His mind was in overdrive trying to work out if he was really going to allow this to happen. Did he trust Greg? Yes. Did Greg care for him? Certainly. Was this going to change things? Yep. Was he okay with things changing? Being a part of the recently legally formed Holmes-Lestrade family meant more to him than he could put into words.

Without realising he was doing it, John straightened up and Greg sighed, John span around to use the edge of the desk to protect his backside. “Can’t you just tell us off and chalk this one up to experience?”

“Yeah?” Sherlock suddenly piped up, turning around from the wall, “Come on Lestrade.” 

“Pipe down, you.” Greg pointed a finger at Sherlock who fell quiet, “And I told you, we may be in a police station right now but I’m not Lestrade, I’m Greg.”

“Fine!” Sherlock sighed dramatically, “Come on…Greg.”

“I’ll give you ‘come on’ in a minute lad.” Greg threatened Sherlock blinked a couple of times as he tried to register what Greg had just said, once he had he turned back to the wall.

“I know last night was stupid,” John tried another route out of trouble, “But it won’t happen again.”

“Too right it won’t.” Greg sighed, his hands moving to his hips, one still holding his folded belt. “What you two did last night was stupid, it was reckless, it was selfish, it was illegal and worst of all you put yourselves in danger! I won’t stand for it lads, I just won’t. I care too bloody much about the two of you to let you behave that way. I love the pair of you for Christ sake!”

“Oh.” John’s eyes suddenly dropped to his feet,

“Yeah…oh.” Sherlock murmured turning back to the room, and Greg looked fondly between the two of them.

“Look, the two of you are never going to run by the same rules as the rest of the world, not with me and Myc protecting you. Of course, the two of you were never going to spend the morning with the magistrate. You’ll only ever spend a night in a cell if me and Myc allow it. But…that doesn’t mean there aren’t consequences for your actions, boys…”

“We are sorry.” John meant it.

“I know you are, and I’m sure those hangovers feel like punishment enough at the moment.”

“Yeah, actually.” 

“Which is why I’m only giving you each six and not twelve- “

“Ohhh.” Sherlock whined. 

“You can thank me later, lads, if Myc were the first one to you he would have flayed you both alive…Speaking of which, I mean it when I say this is a family affair. I’m not doing this to embarrass you both although I’m pretty sure that’s a natural side effect of getting your arse smacked. I’m doing this because we exist in a little family of four and unfortunately for the two of you, it really is up to me and Myc to keep you both in line. Understand?”

Greg looked between the two of them trying to read the situation as best he could. He knew neither of them wanted to get their arse handed to them but if he could see that this was genuinely too much for either of them he would back off. He didn’t want to though. He wanted to discipline them both and make sure they never did anything that stupid again. He wanted them both to know that he was there for them even when they did stupid things.

“Yeah, I understand.” John gave a small nod and looked up at Greg through his lashes, Greg returned the nod and turned his attention to Sherlock who was shuffling a little bit but managed to make eye contact with the older man,

“Yes, me too.” All of the bluster and confidence that Greg was used to from Sherlock was missing in his tone, he seemed quite fragile if anything.

“Good. First things first,” Greg held out an arm to John, “Come ‘ere for a minute,”

John was completely flawed by this, he looked over to Sherlock for some reassurance, but he was just as confused.

“Err…”

“Come on little brother, and you,” Greg held out his other arm in Sherlock’s direction. “Don’t leave me hanging lads,” John smiled and shuffled forwards, allowing Greg to wrap one big arm around him and pull him in close, Greg used his other hand to knuckle the top of John’s head, “Think I’m gunna like having little brother’s.” he chuckled before looking over at Sherlock, “Come on you, I won’t bite.” Sherlock was reluctant but much to both John and Greg’s surprise he shuffled over too and allowed himself to be brought into the hug. “I mean it, you know, I love you two idiots. After work today, I’ll bring over a curry to Baker Street, how about that?”

“Madras?” Sherlock asked,

“If you like,”

“From the Taj?”

“It’s his favourite.”

“I’ll remember that. Madras from the Taj it is.”

“And naan?”

“Sure.”

“That will be nice. Must be off- “Sherlock slipped from Greg’s arms only to have him grab the back of his jacket,

“Nice try.”

“But we were just getting along!” Sherlock whined, Greg didn’t think he had ever heard him sound so petulant and that was saying something.

“Nope. You’ve both earned a hiding and that’s that. Right, who’s up first?”

“I’ll go first.” John offered.

“Good man.” Greg finally released Sherlock’s jacket and shoved him in the direction of the wall.

“Big brother and all that.” John tried to puff himself up a little bit.

“Wait, am I now the littlest brother?” Sherlock piped up, unsure whether he loved or loathed the idea.

“Too right. And, littlest brother you still haven’t finished your time out. Turn around.”

“Oh.” Sherlock pouted but did as he was told.

“Hands on the desk John.”

“How many?” John murmured as he settled his hands down on the desk.

“Just six.”

“Just! Easy for you to say.” John glared over his shoulder.

“Do you really think now is the best time to get lippy, Watson?”

“No, probably not.”

“No, I can quite easily make it twelve you know- “

“No thank you!” Sherlock piped up turning back to look at Greg.

“Hush, Sherlock. Nose, wall.” Sherlock grumbled but yet again did as he was told. Greg put a hand on John’s back, “I don’t know if you’ve ever been on the receiving end of anything like this before,”

“Only a couple of times, as a kid.”

“Okay, well I don’t want you to count or anything like that, I’ll worry about that you just stay still and think about what landed you here, got it?”

“Yeah.”

“Good, right,” Greg repositioned himself behind John. He could feel both John and Sherlock hold their breath while they waited for the first blow to land so he decided not to hang around. 

It didn’t sound as though John took a breath even once during the six blows but when they were done he let out a long exhale.

“Jesus.”

“Mm,” Greg patted him on the back and John straightened up, “Well maybe you’ll think a bit more next time.” John turned to look at Greg and at the sight of his raised eyebrow, he reconsidered a witty comeback.

“Right Lock, your turn.” Sherlock shuffled over but Greg caught the ever so slight smile at the nickname. “John, sit.” Greg pointed a finger at the chair he had been sitting in earlier.

“Do I have to?”

“Yep.”

“You’re mean.” Sherlock offered as an attempt to stand up for his now officially titled big brother.

“Lock, quiet,” John chuckled as he sat down with a wince.

“Right, you, hands on the desk just like John.” Sherlock did as he was told and looked across the table towards John who gave him a sympathetic smile,

“it’ll be alright mate.” John offered, leaning over to pat one of Sherlock’s hands with his own,

“Arse on the seat, John.”

“Yes Greg.” John sat back down.

For the first three of Sherlock’s six blows he held his bottom lip between his teeth so stop himself from any human displays for emotion or discomfort. By the fourth he decided to let his lip go in fear that he might actually bite through it. 

A split second after the sixth smack Sherlock shot upright and hopped away from Greg rubbing his arse, “Done! Ow, ow, ow!”

Greg sighed and let Sherlock fuss for a moment, until he had enough of watching the younger man upset and held out his arms, “Ay, come here trouble.”

“No.” Sherlock shook his head and continued trying to rub to sting away. “Ow.” He sounded truly sorry for himself.

“Hush and come here.” It was obvious that Sherlock was conflicted, still trying to cling to the hard exterior that he had perfected in front of Greg (and John for that matter) but desperate to allow himself to be the younger brother and be coddled. It was only when Sherlock saw Greg’s arms drop ever so slightly and he feared that the offer of a hug may be rescinded that he shuffled forwards and only somewhat reluctantly allowed Greg to pull him in for a hug. The second he was there, however, he melted.

“Embarrassing.” He mumbled into Greg’s shirt.

“I know, I know, but it’s just you me and John here.” Greg offered sympathetically, rubbing a hand up and down Sherlock’s back to soothe him. 

“Didn’t even hurt that much.” Sherlock grumbled, and Greg looked down at the top of his head, surprised at that one.

“Oh really? Right, hands down again- “

“No no no! I meant it didn’t hurt enough to cry.”

“Err, yeah it did mate.” John mumbled from the chair, “Can I get up now?” John looked up pleadingly at Greg.

“No, you stay there until I’m done with this one.” Greg patted Sherlock’s back a couple of times and Sherlock looked pitifully up at him,

“No more, please.”

“No lad I meant until I’m done calming you down.” Sherlock sighed with relief and rested his head against Greg’s chest again,

“Urgh, I’ll be here all day- “John groaned, and Greg glared over Sherlock,

“Oi, knock it off.” 

“What?! It hurts!”

“Good.”

“I didn’t get a hug.” Greg chuckled at this,

“Do you want one?”

“No.” It was John’s turn to pout,

“If you want a hug, John, you just have to say.”

“Not right now.” Greg nodded at him with a fond smile and he pulled Sherlock away from him to help him straighten up, “Maybe later.”

“Alright then. Now, I’ll walk you both back to the desk. Then I expect best behaviour for the rest of the day.”

“Yes sir.” Sherlock sighed completely unprompted earning himself a broad grin from Greg.

“Good lad. I’ll bring over dinner later.”

“It has to be from the Taj,” Sherlock said over his shoulder as Greg was guiding him towards the door,

“I know.”

“I’ll know if it’s from somewhere else and you don’t tell me.”

“I’m sure you will. John, try to keep this one out of trouble for the rest of the day, eh?”

“I’ll try,” John laughed,

“That’s all I ask.” Greg followed the two men as they retraced their steps back towards the desk sergeant. “Oh, and I’ll tell Myc I’ve dealt with the two of you, but you can still bet he’ll call to give you a bollocking.”

“Something to look forward to.” John grumbled.

“Don’t be cheeky.” With that Greg turned and walked back down the corridor.


End file.
